Advice on how to gently persuade a friend to have her son checked for developmental problems?

I have a 3 and 1/2 year old boy. My friend has a boy who is 4 months younger than him who is obviously having some development problems. He only speaks a couple of words (not very clearly). He grunts and groans at her to get his way. He is extremely wild and will repeat the same destructive behavior over and over and over.





I am not a doctor so I don't feel comfortable making any assumptions. But it is obvious to me that she is putting off having him seen for fear of what the professionals will say.





She is now pregnant with her second child and I am afraid that her son is not going to get the attention he truly needs.





Any advice on how I can speak with her gently about this? She definitely knows there is a problem because she is always making remarks about my son being a genius. Or that she wishes her son would speak to her or at least acknowledge what she is saying to him.





Thanks for your advice.Advice on how to gently persuade a friend to have her son checked for developmental problems?
I assume this mother takes the child to a pediatrician. Her doctor should have noticed this, if it's so obvious, and should set up testing for the child. I really don't think it's your place to talk to her about this. She does seem to know there's a problem; she most likely doesn't need you to point it out to her. If she's completely unaware, it's too bad she's having another child, because she doesn't seem to know what she's doing. If nothing else, when the child goes to school, they'll pick up on this. In my school district, they screen the kids for Pre-K to find those who need some help. I hope that's the case where you live.Advice on how to gently persuade a friend to have her son checked for developmental problems?
I'm sorry to hear that she is avoiding the pediatrician. I doubt she'd listen to you. At least when this child starts school, the probem will be noticed and dealt with.

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The boy does NOT need professional attention - he NEEDS his mother's attention!!! First of all, SHE must stop doing things for him when he grunts and groans. She must make him ask plainly and clearly for everything he wants.


Go out and buy her some flash cards; alphabet letters, numbers, shapes and colors. Show her how to teach her son with these.
Find out if your school district has the Parents as Teachers program. It's free for newborns to 5 year olds and it's meant to assess children's learning and development. I had my daughter in the program and learned a lot from it.





You could mention it casually, sign your family up for it and tell her about it or take her with you to one of the fun family events they have throughout the school-year. Hopefully she'll see that's it's beneficial to her child and there's no reason to avoid the professionals.
Tell her next time she makes a remark on how smart your kid is that if she ever though in entering him in some programs that will advance his speaking. Ahh...but there lies the problem. Which Dr. do you go to. She needs to do her homework. My boy is the same way. the school said he had ADHD. So went sent him to a Dr. that Dr. on the very 1st or 2nd visit said yep he has ADHD and wanted to put him on Meds (we declined). At the time our Ins. did not cover this one and the Dr. The Dr. we wanted to visit. Since then my Ins. has improved and we took my boy to the Dr we wanted. It took several visits, but the conclusion was not ADHD %26amp; my boy did not need Meds. The Dr is working with him on other issues. There has been a total improvement in school w/ no meds. My point. Finding the right Dr. is crucial
Your friend's child is showing all the signs of hearing loss, either from partial deafness or fluid in the ears. The next time she mentions that she wished her son could speak as many words as yours, perhaps ask if his doctor has ruled out hearing loss. Even the destructive behavior is typical for children who have hearing loss. If he can't hear, he's not taking in any communication about what is appropriate.
I know it is difficult to talk to another parent about this kind of thing. Just next time she says something about your son being a genius just ask her if she has thought about having her son tested. My son was the same way and all he ended up needing was tubes in his ears so he could hear. It made a world of difference for him. After he could hear then he started speaking way better. There are a lot of services offered by most school districts but you have to be persistent.