Mental health problems on both sides of our relationship. how can I help him when im ill too advice please!?

I have post traumatic stress disorder, have been in therapy for over a year and am rebuilding myself and my life, my partner has depression and anxiety and coping with his illness is making my illness worse and holding me back, when im at uni in the day i feel like a completely different person to when im at home with him, i find it hard to even want to kiss him, how can I help him without ruining all the hard work i've done on rebuilding myself and my life. I do my best to give him my support, listening and not making things worse, he smokes weed all day and is not seeking out the help he needs, he is finally on antidepressants but he just seems to becoming more and more ill. its really triggering off my ptsd and i don't know what to do!Mental health problems on both sides of our relationship. how can I help him when im ill too advice please!?
I can relate to your situation as I have mental health problems and so does my partner, but it's his symptoms that cause more problems in our relationship and he finds it hard to motivate himself to overcome his problems.





I think you shouldnt let your own mental health go downhill for anyone or anything. That is not a positive relationship. Also, you need to bear in mind that you are his lover not his carer. I think going that road is damaging and will change the dynamics of your relationships. You can support him, that is different from putting yourself in a caring role.





Its good that you have uni in the day to get a break from your partners issues. Just make the most of that time and enjoy it and that will help you a lot.





Tell your partner that you do not want him to smoke weed, that it's not fair for you to have to deal with the negative consequences of his mental illness when he is choosing to engage in an activity that will only make his illness worse. He might be off-setting the good that the anti-depressants are doing with the bad results of the weed. If he is becoming more ill, encourage him to go to his doctor and let professionals know. He may need more support like a talking therapy such as CBT or a CPN to visit him on a weekly basis.





You might also want to seek counselling through uni or your doctor, so you can work through your feelings regarding your boyfriends illness and ensure things dont get on top of you.





Suggest to your boyfriend that he needs to find a meaningful way to fill his days. As you've probably discovered like I have, keeping yourself occupied is an important tool for dealing with depression. He could get a part time job, do a bit of voluntary work or even join social groups for people with mental illness. Anything is better than sitting at home getting stoned. If he seeks more professional help then they will help him to get involved with things like that. If his mental health is better, you will benefit too.





Good luck.Mental health problems on both sides of our relationship. how can I help him when im ill too advice please!?
if you want your life back then you should get him the help that he needs as by the sounds of it he is not willing to get up and go. smoking weed will lead him to paranoia and that will make him worse and it will ruin all the hard wokrk you have done. take the first step to a better life get him some help
there are many things you can both do to help each other --but if wont why should you be held bACK


what is paramount is to choose your healing route------ carefully-- be really aware that the conventional treatment for this can be horrendous and you can go on for years with no improvement and massive damaging detrimental side effects from meds . Do read this very carefully and try and understand the principles behind what is being said .


Evaluate all of this info well 鈥搕his info will save you years of suffering ---years if you apply it ..


This will educate you on our health care system and its dire limitations


All treatment recommended by the doctors should be tested and approved and quite rightly so.


That makes sense right .it costs millions to test and approve treatments because of the possible damage to people..


Drug companies Fund most research and will only and I mean only look at treatments, which show the promise of good deal of a profit, --they will actively dismiss any therapy which does not have profit potential鈥?thus your doctor will only recommend therapies with profit in them.


Despite The fact that some of these other therapies mentioned do have overwhelming benefits some, which have saved needless amputations, needless pain and trauma, and much loss of life. Drugs are not the answer for depression with mind altering chemicals or any other mental illness. This is a fundamental principle and unless you grasp this fully 鈥搚ou could /will have years of suffering ahead of you .


This does not help you though when you are ill and suffering鈥攏ot hearing about therapies which can help from a person you look up to and trust Have you heard your local doctor recommend, Massage Spiritual healing, Herbs, Light therapy,Colour therapy,the violet ray therapy, Osteopathy, Electrical Frequency devices.


These therapies will work for many complaints of a so called mental nature


we have thousands of testimonials and results showing years of successful applications


Do this and I will guarantee improvements to you inside a day its that simple, of course getting these things in place can be much harder. Each therapy can have a very beneficial influence on you.


Print this all off save it and enact it and share it --- of course someone to help you get these therapies in your life is invaluable but do not be swayed by them trying for short cuts 鈥?


1,get someone to massage your back and legs at least 3 times a week use peanut oil or a mix of 50-50 olive and peanut oil.


2 use the violet ray machine an Edgar Cayce device google search this --- 3 times a week on the other days especially on the spine鈥?we use it every day with very positive results


3.get a tent sleep out side 3times a week utilising earth energy - nature can help big time especially with how you feel how much energy you have


4 study and apply good nutrition-- adequate minerals all of them particularly calcium and magnesium iron essential fatty acids omega 3 6 9 protein etc


5 ensure your thyroid is working well


7 ensure you do at least I hr per day some kind of voluntary work when you are able..the reasons you are ill , or poor or have allsorts of bad things happen to you is because of karma -----usually from past lives but some from this one 鈥搗oluntary work will offset your mistakes--- how much it offsets well that is down to god and how much you do. Healing us is in direct proportion to the help we give others ie your healing comes with helping others achieve theirs so if people are doing very little in helping others ---they suffer more and longer...and if they are doing a lot they get well faster....so now you know what to do ,,and like a lot of us are already doing being of service.


8 be amongst people who are giving, friendly who have time for you who love you , choose your friends well


9 be or get to a place which personally love or like


10 get and do some work which you like or love


11 ensure you do no acts which hurt or inflict on anyone 鈥揹on鈥檛 want to add to your karma do we !!!


12 spiritual healing yes and reiki -.


13think good positive thoughts, laughter, look at comedy, play good uplifting music,


14 avoid at all costs exposure to violence, murders, suffering ,death ,tragedies, -feed upon good things uplifting things, things that feel like a breath of fresh air..


15 Positive affirmation- that鈥檚 right programme your self in the mirror , thoughts are things words are things actions are things , all have influence, few people realise these things can have an effect on themselves .


16 a detox ------ toxins can influence how you feel big time


17 hugs get plenty of them in your daily life you would be amazed at how people feel after a few decent hugs鈥?


18 loads of exercise running walking climbing but something which you enjoy


19 rid yourselves of all aspartame laden foods and drink and many additives get back to a wholesome organic diet diet


A total cure however is tied up with karma so you can imagine just h
You have to encourage him to get help - it's not fair that he leans on your for support yet won't do anything to help himself. He's obviously seen a doctor to get the anti-depressatns, but they aren't the be-all and end-all and it's a shame that the doc thinks medication alone is the answer.





Exercise is said to be the best thing for depression - perhaps you can encourage him by getting him to go on walks with you? Listening is good, but it's draining for you - he needs professional help to enable him to overcome the depressive thoughts, someone not only to listen but also (importantly) to challenge his thinking. And that's not something anyone can be expected to just 'know' how to do. Giving up the weed will help him immensely - currently it will only demotivate him and heighten his paranoia. So you might have to be cruel to be kind and stop his access to weed. Hide it, flush it. It won't make you popular with him, but then he's not popular with you either right now!
I know from my own personal experience that you can't change or help people who do not want to help themselves.





I am really sorry to say this but you can't help him. If he won't even try for you both as a couple then I honestly think you are better off moving on.





I was in a similar situation to you. I was trying to get back into school and make new friends and get better slowly and he was holding me back. His neediness (nurtured by his mother) made him expect me to do everything for him and he wasn't going anywhere in life.





I eventually couldn't take the emotional and physical drain anymore and decided to break up with him. I thought he would commit suicide if I left him and held a lot of guilt but in fact it took him a while to get over me but he was fine. I also had to remember he wasn't my responsibility and to stop worrying about him.





You need to look after yourself first and foremost only then can you give yourself to other people. It is not fair on you.





It will be upsetting for a while but things can and will get better.





When you are ready to get involved in another relationship and have talked about it in therapy then you can get on with your life have a happy relationship with someone who may even lighten your day when you get home.





Think about yourself, you deserve it.





If he isn't going to help himself then he doesn't deserve your help.





If you are still in therapy then you should talk about this if not have a couple of sessions and see what a professional says.





Good luck! I hope everything turns out for the best,





Chloe





(feel free to e-mail me)
you know, in all honesty, you might want to consider continuing your life without him in it. Now, before i go any further, ***i know*** how difficult that might sound, and will be, especially for one who must endure PTSD. But ***the most*** important part in recovery is not having anything hindering it. If this guy isn't helping you out mentally, you need to get rid of him for yourself and to do yourself a favor. Especially if he's not seeking out the help he needs, it's not going to get any better unless he was actually proactive enough to seek out help. And again, especially if it's triggering things for you, really, you should get rid of him. You need things that are going to help improve your mentality, not keep it down.





i wish you all the best in your recovery process, and hope things will truly change for the better for you soon / in due time.